My Perfect Assassin’s Creed Game

Alright, this should be my last Assassin’s Creed (AC) post for a while. Should as in I don’t have any other ones planned.

We’re five months out from Valhalla‘s release date, and the rumor mill is working overtime on “leaks” and theories of varying degrees of believability for the next entry in the series. While I have precisely zero insight into the next AC game, I do have several — *cough* many *cough* — ideas about what I’d like to see in a future game.

And so, I give you the elements that would make up my perfect AC game. Be aware, this post doesn’t take into account the likelihood of any of this actually happening.

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An Epic Odyssey

After playing through Assassin’s Creed Syndicate (2015), I gave myself a little breather, then gleefully dove into Odyssey (2018). I decided to start a new game plus (see below), one of the many awesome features introduced in Odyssey. For the record, at the time of writing, I’ve logged just over 51 hours of playtime — for this play through — at the easiest setting on my PlayStation 4. Everything that follows is based on that experience.

NOTE: This post is LONG, even for me. A real Odyssey, just like the game. I’ve done my best to give it descriptive subheads so you can scroll through it and read the bits that interest you, if you want. And I’ve added lots of photos to break up the text some. I wanted to do, and I feel I have done, this game, and my recent Assassin’s Creed review series, justice. I have one more post planned, then likely won’t write about Assassin’s Creed again until the next game is announced.

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Replaying an Old Favorite

In the past, whenever I try to go back and play previous Assassin’s Creed games, I find myself disappointed. Usually, the improvements in newer games, both in mechanics and technology, make older games feel dated and clunky.

However, after my poor response to Valhalla, I decided to seize a small silver lining and replay the older titles that I’d enjoyed. My original thought was to replay Odyssey (2018). However, with how much I’d enjoyed Syndicate (2015), I decided to try going back to it. Be aware, there are likely spoilers in this post, but if you haven’t played it in 5 years, I don’t think you’ll mind spoilers.

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AC Valhalla: Post Updates

Before I start, if you have not read my previous posts on the game and the marketing, I highly suggest you do so, otherwise this post will likely make little sense.

I wasn’t planning to write anything else about Assassin’s Creed Valhalla after ripping the game and the marketing to shreds. However, I have information updates for both posts. Rather than update the posts themselves, where no one will ever see the information, I’m writing this post.

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Ubisoft, Market Your Female Protagonists!

This is my second, and final, negative post about Assassin’s Creed Valhalla (ACV).

For those completely unfamiliar with the game, ACV gives you the option to play either:

  • entirely as a female version of Eivor,
  • entirely as a male version of Eivor,
  • or let the animus (the device in the game universe that lets you relive past memories) decide.

The Animus choice is the default. It means you play as a female Eivor through most of the game, only playing as male during “potion”-induced visions.

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Assassin’s Creed Valhalla: Why Are Reviewers Lying?

I’ve played every major Assassin’s Creed (AC) release, and none have annoyed and disappointed me more than the newest release, Valhalla. Nope, not even the infamous Unity was as bad in my opinion.

For the record, at the time of writing, I’ve logged 46 hours of playtime at the easiest setting on my PlayStation 4. Everything that follows is based on that experience.

My biggest disappointment, and anger inducing issue, is the crashing problem. Valhalla has crashed 8 times so far. That’s less than 6 hours of gameplay per crash. And based on comments on Reddit, I’m one of the lucky ones that isn’t experiencing much crashing. Keep in mind, people paid a minimum of $60 for this game.

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Assassin’s Creed Odyssey Romances

As I play through Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, I’ve got to give Ubisoft kudos for the opportunity to have several types of romantic relationships.

For those who aren’t familiar with Odyssey, you can play as either of brother/sister duo Alexios and Kassandra. While playing, you have the opportunity to romance men and women, regardless of who you choose to play as. You also have the option to, ahem, have some fun *wink wink* with more than one person at a time.

I’ve got to knock off a couple “cool points”, though, because these romantic interludes tend to be “fade-to-black” moments. Not every one fades to black. Sometimes you get a time lapse video of what’s happening during your fun. But the general idea is the same.

Granted, I haven’t progressed very far in the game, so perhaps some of the romances I have yet to come across give you more than just playful banter.

After all, if we can slaughter people and watch their blood splatter your chosen character and the land, there’s no reason not to include a bit of sexy time, even if only a bit of a makeout session.